raining cats, dogs, elephants

sorry, just wanna let this out.

when it rains, it's impossible to get a cab. everybody would kill for a ride. days like this make me pray for a car (i don't care anymore if it's not 1 that's eco-friendly). i'm tired of having to take long, unromantic marches along grimy streets—soaking wet and in the wrong pair of shoes for walking.

to get home this morning, i walked and took a really packed jeepney and paired more walking with a tricycle ride (i bribed the driver to take me up the hills where i live).



my shoes, of all things, were the 1s in the saddest state. scratched and soggy and all. more than i feel sorry for myself, i feel sorry for them (lol! i'm a girl!). they're my favorite pair but they're ironically as battered and neglected as its owner.

aaaaa!!! issues. if my father wasn't so crazy about his useless car (he's always away anyway, leaving his ride to gather dust in the garage), i could've used it to get me home today, at least! but his vehicle is more precious than anything and any1 combined and multiplied so deal with it, ace.

and the rain. i know now that the rain isn't my friend after all. like many people i know, it's not going to be there for me in difficult times (i don't understand why i'm always alone but am not yet used to it)... all these sad thoughts that always come with the repeating experience of being rained on is not bringing out the best in me, as you can see.

home alone with my breakfast

sometimes it’s nice to be left home alone. there’s always something about the lack of movement and sound that i really feel at home with. plus, i very rarely get to have the house to myself and do whatever i want without any1 complaining about the music i’m playing or incense i’m burning. haha.

work for me doesn’t start until later today and i’m allowing myself to be bored as i’m far from inspired to start or finish any of my little personal projects. i guess this also explains the number of pictures i took over breakfast.



hehe. as you can see, i eat books in the morning, too.

good morning from this side of the world!!!

internet connection’s back

and so is meeeeeee.

it’s great to know that a few people still take time to come by this little corner in cyberspace, even when i’m not able to read blogs and/or write about bits of the life/world i know—which, sadly for both of us, isn’t even as entertaining as gossip girl! haha. really, i thought no1 would bother anymore.

the disappearing act doesn’t have anything to do with the stalker, don’t worry (i terrorized him so he’d leave me alone): there was just no internet connection for more than a week (it’s frustrating when it happens).

after about 10 calls to PLDT, they finally sent some guys to fix the connection. i’m so relieved the internet’s up again!!! at the end of what seemed like so many days of being cut off from the rest of the world, my mom can now chat with family abroad; my younger siblings can now make homework; and i’m back! whee.

thank you very much for all the caring words you left on my posts. they truly mean a lot to me... i started blogging rather lonely but, along the way, made many nice friends i haven’t even met in the flesh yet! isn’t the blogging business great? haha.

how have you all been? tell me news!

dinner, shopping, dessert

sad eyes?

over the apple slices and carrot sticks i shared with workmates this afternoon, a colleague told me i look sad. it troubled me inside as somebody said exactly the same thing last week.

really, i don’t feel as sad as i probably look. in fact, even with stuff i fall asleep worrying about at night, i can still say something witty and laugh with all the crazy people i live and work with.

hearing 2 people say i look sad, though, is disquieting. surely, something must be wrong with me—especially because i can’t even point a finger at what it is! haha.

so there i was in the midst of talk and movement, chewing on a vegetable, quietly reviewing my life. i realized the stalker thing has caused enough stress already: i’m suspecting the dude is from work as i caught some1 tailing me up to the ladies’ room 1 time. and then there’s forbidden love. and duties to family. and friends i haven’t seen in months. and the possibility of being exiled from community for inactivity. and work. and fading dreams. and money. and god, who i hope still cares...

i won’t pretend i’m strong enough not to be weighed down by the weight of what seems like the world sometimes. but i learned that it’s also important to feel some sadness and a little anger, and then let go of them before the sun sets... i just don’t like the part where the soul kind of wilts, you know, and it shows in the eyes. some people really notice.



in an effort to start “reviving” my jaded spirit and “de-hardening” my toughened face, i start with the taste buds. binging on mudshake and pudding tonight will possibly work as chocolate had so many times before! hehe.

now i’m pissed

just when i thought it was already safe to check my phone for calls and messages, he strikes again.

in case the anonymous nuisance won’t stop harassing me, even with operation: ice queen, i will really have him hunted down and skinned by the yakuza.

and who does he think he is, threatening me with meaningless things?

if he won’t leave me alone—if he won’t stop calling or texting despite my best efforts to patiently ignore—i will make him pay for bothering me... with his head on a platter and his penis in a jar! muhahaha.

nyahahahaha!

have a happy weekend!

operation: ice queen

on extremely rare occasions i’m told i’m the “prettiest girl” some1 has “ever met in life”, i cringe. it’s clearly a lie. please never tell me stuff like that (unless you’re willing to serve me as a love slave for the rest of your life) because it’s utter bull. you will never win me with it, if that’s your intention.

since yesterday afternoon, i’ve been getting nightmarish hi-ace, how-are-you and if-you-need-anything-i’m-just-here-for-you text messages from some1 who’s “shy” to tell me who he or she is. (it could be any1! and thats distressing.)

after analyzing and thinking it couldn’t be a prank, i found the 1st few toned-down messages a bit cute... until every hour since, my phone rings and my inbox floods with frustrating please-text-back, don’t-forget-to-eat and i-can’t-resist-falling-for-you text messages which i didn’t reply to because they were becoming seriously scary. (how am i supposed to feel secure around people now, eh?)

and doesn’t he or she know it’s rude to say something exaggeratingly exaggerated like “you’re the prettiest girl i’ve ever met in my life”? it’s even insulting! it’s like being lied to, to gain something from you, you know. (and if i’m truly pretty, this mystery texter must be superficial to only like me because of that.)

really, i don’t intend to hurt or inspire some1 to become emo. the only way i think i can stop the unimaginably infuriating text messages from coming, however, is to ignore them. to do that without feeling unnecessary guilt, i need to turn my cold on. thus, operation: ice queen.

birthday boy’s day

so this is what it’s like to no longer have enough time, energy and creativity to come up with a nice birthday surprise for some1 who obviously deserves more than what i came up with today. his being in an opposite time zone also makes it hard to plan something exact and meaningful.



the man isn’t really into material objects, so i figured doing something different would cheer him up more than any shiny thing. that’s why i decided today is going to be a holiday of sorts, to celebrate his birthday for him since work is keeping him impossibly busy.

like any special day, i made sure to make merry as much as i can with the kind of imprisoning schedule i got myself into. what’s important is to be able to just celebrate the day the greatest, most beautiful person i know was born...!

all week, i thought about all the possible things i can do to make him smile and feel special today. i know it doesn’t matter how little things are as long as they’d please him... wearing for the 1st time the dress he had wanted and bought for me under my favorite dress coat, for example.

after getting my freedom back at the end of the day, i stopped by my favorite pastry shop for some goodies. no birthday is ever complete without a cake and the cake-blowing ritual, right?



it was nice to have my mom and younger siblings and amahs (my father, who has yet to like him, is away) join me in the little celebration at home. they even helped me take pictures to send to birthday boy, to let him know how loved he is even if he’s feeling a little lonely on the side of the world he’s on.

the honor to make a secret wish and blow out the candles i assigned to me, of course. then everybody, except the birthday boy, got to eat his cake for him! haha.

guilty pleasure

the blair waldork in me is happily hopping like a little bunny. after the 4-months-wait, my strange craving for scandal—best served by the young, rich and beautiful of new york’s upper east side—is finally satisfied with gossip girl’s 2nd season premiere in the US, which i just watched with my younger sisters.

instead of indulging in the recorded airing and blogging about how excited i am about GG’s return, i really should be studying for an important day tomorrow. but, then, what are guilty pleasures for, right? (besides, i’ve been working hard and the dangerously entertaining distraction, i think, is well-deserved! hehe.)

do you secretly enjoy gossip girl, too? what are other things you take pleasure in that you feel a little guilty about?