"don't make me sad, don't make me cry"

new year's resolution idea #2

after staying up all night organizing my overflowing shoe rack and labeling the boxes, i learned i really need to only keep pairs of shoes i know i will use and reuse and, hopefully, overuse.

because, really, i don't need a lot, and i even set aside 20 pairs for our help and typhoon victims. yup, that's how much useless stuff i have.

and, well, yeah, the little devil on my left shoulder may whisper that my friends and sisters have more pairs, but i'm not going to compare my shoe assemblage with theirs. it's not the point.

1. sometimes it takes me 10 minutes to decide between 2 very similar stilettos, so having several pairs to choose from can waste time.
2. shoes take up space and could cause people with obsessive-compulsive tendencies, like me, problems when not neatly arranged and color-coded.
   
3. studies say that chemicals used in our nike trainers and manolo blahniks make shoe factory workers sick, which isn't a good thing at all. factory waste is also dumped into rivers and ecosystems, which is something worse.

*~*~*~*

no work from today 'til the 3rd! yay, i can sleeeeeeeep!

sushi place poker

to tell you the truth, i don't know what's going on as i've never played poker before. i just came here for food on this super rainy evening, and the funny thing is that i keep winning against my friends who are regular... er... poker... pokerers.

hehehe. is that what you call them? pokerers? or is it better to say poker players? (sorry to be so fatheaded.)

dammit

i hope that the next time a really handsome stranger says hi, i won't be distracted by a pair of shoes in a nearby store's window.

the weather; boo-boo

if i were to describe the weather, i'd say she's like a woman who can't make up her mind. i fell asleep in the middle of changing from work clothes into pajamas freezing from the cold last night, and now i'm up to summer weather in the middle of december.

and wasn't there just another typhoon? the weather's like a woman who's PMSing, then. lol.

but, yeah, i don't like it when the weather's moody like this. a lot of people are getting sick. i'm sick... and probably because my theory about bottling up emotions causing 1 to easily catch a bug, for example, is also true.

this stuffed ninja dog from a co-worker knows exactly how sick ninja me feels:



hehe. i'm calling him boo-boo, by the way.

games

just when i thought they're over, just when i thought i've erased traces of involvement in them, he reappears out of nowhere after a long time, as he did in that confusing dream that woke me up for work, and starts another 1.

i let him win it, too, as, as twisted as this may sound, it's oddly entertaining to witness a man do whatever he can to get what he wants. and, well, maybe i because i miss him. or maybe i don't.

while these games offer a temporary escape from being a coddled slave and from the idle time i get when life's not so crazy, however, playing with a player is still playing, and i don't, in a million years, would want to be like him. i even feel guilty about taking advantage of some1 who positions himself to be used...

no matter how i look at it, it's just not right.

new things

lately i've been trying little new things, new little things... things.



this fish spa treatment at work, for example, which is awesome for its cute fishes that suck on your toes. i must say it's a very sensual experience. haha.

just a few days ago, too, i got my 1st brazilian wax on impulse, and man, did it hurt like how i imagine a hundred childbirths would!

every day's been the same lately, you see: i get up, work, head to starbucks, work, eat out with coworkers, shop, go or hang out with friends on weekends, shop, fly to manila on some weekends, get up, work, head to starbucks, work, eat out, shop, feel a little sad, shop, and so on. i'm getting bored again.

it's the result of my own doing, though, i know. after some ennui-induced experimentation and just ending up making a monster out of myself, i went cold turkey playing the virgin queen, giving a few importunate guys who forced themselves into my life hope and never what they want. i know it's bad karma and i did tell you i only made a monster out of myself...

but my point is that i can no longer squeeze in anything i truly love doing in the short hours off i get from work. thus, little new things, new little things, and things, and my feet in this tub of tickling doctor fishes sloughing off some of my dead skin.

compliments

taking compliments is something i simply suck at. in fact, i'm so bad at taking compliments, i probably put people off.

when i arrived at the party earlier, for example, a friend was like, "wow, you look like a victoria secret model!" after he completed the greeting with a kiss on my cheek, i only laughed awkwardly.

in the ladies' room following that, some1 said she thinks i'd pass as a member of the girl group girls' generation. i just laughed awkwardly again and said, "ah, no, i don't think so."

then i come home after the party and some gourmet cupcakes. a friend sees me online and we talk about his life and how hopelessly lame i am when it comes to taking compliments. he tells me he thinks i'm "effortlessly attractive", and i wouldn't hear any of it.

what's wrong with me??? why can't i just say thank you and/or hey, you look nice, too?

zzz...

red moon

when i looked up at the sky as i was waiting for my ride outside a mall, i almost dropped my shopping loot. i was like, "whoaaaahhh," and the stranger walking past me jumped in surprise, probably thinking i was playing a prank or something. hehehe. oops.

but what a treat, ne! the moon is really pretty tonight. i wish lunar eclipses would occur more often. strange moons are so beautiful!

back in the grind

apparently, 1 doesn't die from chugging down expired sleeping pills. and so, hello and sorry about the entry on my unimpressive personal troubles and even more unimpressive spelling skills.

life could be so overcrowded by people, but there's just no1 to talk to sometimes. also, i didn't give the post much thought as i believed i was going to die anyway, especially with a temperature of 40 degrees, which, i just learned, should be alarming. i was vomiting, too, and had to crawl to the toilet every 15 minutes to poop out a truckload of diarrhea.

it was horrible. it was made even more horrible by the fact that it's difficult to get sleep since this once-peaceful-and-quiet neighborhood is now virtually a construction site. i was crying non-stop as it was all i could do as i was so physically butchered and couldn't get any rest at all because my father kept forcing me up to eat more each time i threw up and to already pack stuff for the hospital.

today i'm feeling better. at least i like to think so. hehe. i returned to work last night.

................

if i die from these expired sleepin g pills dont save me im so sad adn sick i cnt i havent have had sleep in days its so noisy im so tired my dad woke me up to eat and go a hospita lan dnow i cant go back to sleep im so tuired im so tired i cant stop cryuing i,m so sad andgry i just wantt to rest plEaase